Today I went to the park. My aim was to visit the pond area to have a chat with the ducks. Every mini dictator has to start somewhere and I was going to start with my duck-powered air force. I’d even been on eBay looking for little saddles to attach to the ducks so I could fly them. I hadn’t fully worked out how to carry the missiles, I spent a few hours with my crayons drawing up designs for sling systems to hang under the birds.
I was very disappointed. After ages spent trying to reason with them, I’ve decided that ducks are too stupid to join my army. All they say is ‘quack quack’ and they don’t seem to have any concept of left and right, no matter how much bread I threw at them to make them change direction. From tomorrow, I’ll start working on the local magpies, they seem to understand deviousness much better.
So on to Plan B with the ducks. Dinner. The adults were having pink cow (it’s basically cow carved into pig shape to express admiration of pigs, nobody eats real pig) so I decided to try to lure a duck into my bag. Yet again, foiled by their stupidity. They couldn’t even understand a breadcrumb trail… Oh well, my mother said it would have taken ages to pluck with my little hands anyway.