Last weekend I accomplished something that most men several times my age (and height) never could. I attended a hen party! This was not easily done, I had to spend several weeks sneakily building up to it. Here’s how I did it.
1. It was a few days before my birthday so I whined incessantly about feeling left out
2. I made up rumours about my fathers friends wanting to shoot/drown/kidnap me when I was unguarded
3. I reminded my mum several times about how unhealthy pizza is and how that’s all my father would feed me
4. I pretended to be utterly helpless by kicking my shoes off and pretending I couldn’t put them on myself
5. I offered to hold my mum’s hair back if she got ill
6. I said I’d sing ‘Je suis le Oink’ all the way in the car. I think that swung it.
It turns out hen parties aren’t half as fun in reality as they are on tv. I managed to sneak some cocktails early on when nobody was looking and I did get lots of sweets (and a cool new Beefeater costume from one of my aunties) but I wasn’t allowed to go out in case I got lost. Boring!!! I spent my evening trying to get the cork out of a bottle of champagne. Turns out that’s impossible when you’re a quarter of the size of the bottle…
The second day was much better. I got to go on a day out with 12 girls (and mum). We went to a really big house which was a bit boring until I saw the garden. It was a fairy garden! With fairies! All the buildings were my size, lots of toadstools to sit on, a nice stream with goblins in it…the only thing missing was cake. I got my photo taken all over the place, I’m incredibly good looking so I’m guessing the photos are now on girls walls all over the country. And then, finally, cake!!!! Great day 🙂 Here’s a photo, can you spot me??