I’ve had a very busy few weeks. It was my birthday last week (I’m 4 now, very mature) but my birthday present arrived early. I got a new little brother! I’m going to love him and train him and use him as a distraction and/or weapon!
Here are some of the things I’ll be using him for:
1. He looks really cute so he’s useful for distracting people, especially girls, while I sneak around. Banks and jewellery shops are good places to take him.
2. On a similar note, for a tiny human he’s able to make really loud noises. Also good for distracting people.
3. People give him stuff. I can mind this stuff permanently. I have told him to ask for a submarine next.
4. Weapons of Mass Destruction. I have been experimenting with his nappies and am very close to a stink bomb that could take out a whole street. If I can get cabbage into his diet I should be able to manage whole cities. And he makes lots of these every day! Useful baby 🙂
5. Money. My mother is seriously sleep deprived so I’ve managed to strike a bargain to babysit him for €500 an hour! Secret hollowed out mountain lair here I come!
6. Lifting things, reaching things, carrying me about in his pram, so many other uses that I’ve run out of patience to type them. I’m off to the park to recruit the ducks 🙂