Phew, that was close!

Project World Domination: Day 241

My team of highly trained soldiers (the ones I got for my birthday) have been tunneling from my garden to the nearest bank vault. It has not been easy. My plans were, as usual, brilliant but we have come across some issues which have delayed progress. Firstly, my mother found the original tunnel entrance and filled it in. she thought it was made by a squirrel looking for nuts. We have repositioned the entrance under a craftily positioned flowerpot. secondly, the route that I wanted to use went through enemy squirrel territory. They have also been observed by my aerial reconnaissance unit (the robin that lives next door) digging in the area. I have yet to work out what they are up to. We had no choice but to take a more challenging route, under the house…

As the tunnel got longer I had yet another marvelous idea. I need a secret lair to install my surveillance equipment in and a secret underground room would be perfect. My soldiers have done great work excavating and reinforcing the walls for me. I may get them to add further chambers to store all the gold that I will be liberating from the bank in.

Last night saw the culmination of many weeks work. I was supervising the opening of a secret entrance from my lair into the house so that I won’t have to go outside when it’s raining. It was a delicate task involving dynamite and about 80 of my soldiers. I was of course wearing my camouflage outfit for the occasion. I waited until everyone was asleep and I even put earplugs on them all before ‘Project Blow a Hole in the Floor’ commenced. It all ran smoothly apart from one tiny little thing. I seriously underestimated the effects of dynamite on the house… The bang was louder than I had anticipated and the walls shook quite a lot. Mummy woke up but luckily the sleeping pills I had crushed into her dinner hadn’t fully worn off yet so she fell asleep again.

It took about an hour to clean up the house after the explosion and the entrance to my secret lair is now perfectly hidden. This morning, I watched my mum very closely to see if she suspected anything. It was all going great until she walked into the sitting room and noticed that the mirror was crooked on the wall. There is a chance that some of my soldiers may be facing a court martial over this… Luckily, she turned on the radio at the same time and guess what? There was an earthquake off Wales last night at exactly the same time that I pressed the detonator and the tremors were felt in Dublin! She’s now really excited that she felt an earthquake and she doesn’t suspect a thing! Success!!!!