Dear loyal followers,
As you are most probably aware, I recently gained a new arch-nemesis. This came about when my brother Ted was kidnapped by a group called PLATO (largely due to Dad’s incompetence in keeping an eye on Ted but also because one member of PLATO had been pretending to be nice to lull Dad into a sense of security). As you all know, nobody is allowed to torment Ted except me, that’s what brothers are for.
So I decided to do some research on this band of renegades calling themselves PLATO. They have a website so they must be legitimate. It’s not as awesome as mine though… They have their own Torturer General which I have to say impressed me, I’ll have to get one of those. And she looks terribly inoffensive which is a smart move on their part…
At this stage I hadn’t fully decided whether it was worth trying to recruit PLATO to my cause rather than destroy them but then my Mum told me what their name means. The Provisional League Against Ted and Oink. Now I can forgive a lot of things, tormenting my Dad, kidnapping and threatening to torture my brother, fine. But putting Ted’s name ahead of mine??? NEVER!!! They must be annihilated….
So on to today. It turns out that Ted and I are going back to England next week and we will be staying at a secret location very close to PLATO HQ. Let the plotting commence!
First of all, the Torturer General. I have done some research and have decided that the easiest way around her is probably bribery. Luckily, Ted is a computer genius so he was able to check the domain registration for their website to get her address. So our first stop will be her house where after some surveillance, we will be breaking into her room to give her Piglet. I have been reliably informed that Piglet is ridiculously cute so she won’t be able to resist. Piglet will keep her distracted while we carry out the rest of our plan.
While Piglet is distracting the Torturer General, I will be at PLATO HQ with Ted, my troops and my aerial unit led by Biggles. I won’t give too much away but there is a very high chance that once I’m done, there won’t be any HQ left and what remains of PLATO will be begging for forgiveness and an opportunity to join my army (as lowly henchmen of course). Mwah ha ha ha ha!!!!!