Last week was a very sad one for me, I lost my only Great-Grandad 🙁 He was awesome, he taught me so many things, like how to get into trouble and how to do a really good boldy face. So I decided to honour his memory in the best way that I could think of; by taking over a real Lighthouse! He would have approved.
We had to go all the way to Wicklow to find a suitable Lighthouse. It was officially called ‘Wicklow Lighthouse’ but I changed that straight away by putting a sign on the gate. It said ‘Oink Lighthouse – Trespassers Beware!’. First impressions were very good, it looked very tall which is useful for spying on everyone for miles around and there were lots of sheep around that I could possibly recruit. Here’s a photo of me on my way in.
We met a very nice man called Brendan who let us into the Lighthouse. The takeover was much easier than expected, he just handed over the keys! I was expecting to have to just barricade myself in so that saved me some work. I had a quick chat with his dog Lassie, I got some great tips on possible weak points that would need extra defence. There was only one problem really. Steps. 109 of them to the top. It’s hard to be properly sneaky when you have to get your brother Ted to give you a boost up that many times. Luckily I didn’t need to go to the very top because that’s the kitchen and I had brought my servants (Mummy and Granny) with me. I got as far as my bedroom and barely managed to let my army out of their bag before I needed a nap. You can see them on the bedside table here guarding me.
Once I had my nap, I set about dividing my army up into battalions and stationing them at the weak points around the tower, the windows. We could see a second tower from one window so that’s where I put my cannon in case anyone used that tower to try to attack me. Here I am giving orders to my soldiers.
Once I had that battalion fully instructed I decided to concentrate on another source of threat, the sea… At first I was only thinking about defence but then I had a great idea. Pirate Oink! The only problem was that I had forgotten my pirate flag. Still, if I had a flag it would only give boats advance warning.
Once I had all my soldiers sorted out, I decided to relax a bit and enjoy my new Lighthouse. I found a stash of chocolate and crisps that my Daddy had been hiding in his bag (he probably meant to give them to me later on so I just took them a bit early) and I sat in one of the window openings keeping watch for passing ships through Grandad’s binoculars. I saw some seals and what Mummy thought might be a surfaced WHALE!!! It was either that or a submarine because it disappeared all of a sudden. I’m not sure which I would prefer, I really want a submarine but I think Santa might bring me one so maybe I’d prefer a whale right now. I do need to start up my sub-aqua unit, our goldfish have proved utterly useless…
Once I got bored of all the sitting around (all the chocolate was gone) I went to explore the rest of the tower. On the ground floor I found a really weird box with ropes all over it. I thought that maybe it was a treasure box so I climbed all over it until I found a way in. I didn’t find anything which was disappointing but then the problems started. I was stuck! I couldn’t find a way out at all. I called for help and after a few minutes, Booie came down the stairs to see what was wrong. He disappeared again so I decided that he had gone to get help. He hadn’t. He came back with a blanket and a big bag of crisps and settled down to watch me. He even took photos with his iPhone. He’s so mean! Eventually Mummy passed by and got me out of the box. I was not amused… Booie will pay when I take over the world! Also, how come he gets his own phone when I have to keep ‘borrowing’ other peoples?
I decided after that to kick everyone out of my Lighthouse (except my soldiers of course and I kept Granny to get me my dinners). I locked them all outside and sat right inside the door with some of my soldiers to make sure that they couldn’t get back in. Unfortunately, Booie was skinny enough to get through the bars when I got distracted. I really need to get a better attention span, I wonder do they sell those on eBay?
I was very annoyed two days later when it turned out that we had to give the Lighthouse back. It belongs to the Irish Landmark Trust and they had rented it out to other people too. I sent Mummy to the shop to get me a scratch card to try to win enough money to just buy the whole place from them but once again, she bought the wrong ticket. I can’t rely on her at all, I’ll have to reconsider her position in my new world order. Daddy is my new favourite person now, he says that he will bring me back to the Lighthouse for a whole week in the winter when I might get to see storms and there will be an even bigger supply of chocolate! Goodbye Lighthouse, I miss you 🙁