Month: March 2012

I’m so excited to get down to Waterford today…. Mummy drove like granny and Daddy nearly smothered me when I simply asked “Are we there yet?”. Such a simple question!! Child abuse I tell you!! Here’s my girl!! 🙂

My long lost cousin visited today. He’s very mysterious, he appears from nowhere, fights the evil squirrels, raids the chocolate press and then disappears again very suddenly. It has been pointed out that he reminds people of somebody. I have no idea who though he is remarkably good looking. His ears are just the right […]

Last weekend I accomplished something that most men several times my age (and height) never could. I attended a hen party! This was not easily done, I had to spend several weeks sneakily building up to it. Here’s how I did it. 1. It was a few days before my birthday so I whined incessantly […]

Today I went to the park. My aim was to visit the pond area to have a chat with the ducks. Every mini dictator has to start somewhere and I was going to start with my duck-powered air force. I’d even been on eBay looking for little saddles to attach to the ducks so I […]

Today my mother went to a secondhand book sale. She asked me if I would like her to bring me home something so I spent ages making this list. 1. The Bumper Book of Poisons 2. The Dummies Guide to Weaponry 3. How to Turn Your Enemies into Frogs 4. Building your own Submarine with […]

I am most aggrieved. People keep eating my cake without even asking me first. I need to think up interesting ways to punish them, I’m currently thinking along the lines of water torture… They know who they are, a donation of extra cake (and maybe some icecream) might make me overlook their naughtiness.

My name is Oink. In this blog I shall be sharing words of wisdom and whatever happens to be going through my mind. My life is very exciting so this may not be suitable for children. My main ambition is to one day rule the universe (the world is nowhere near enough…), so far I’ve […]