Author: Oink

I have an urgent need for a professional who can speedily arrange my emancipation from my mother. They must be completely unscrupulous and willing to bend the truth whatever way I see fit. They must also be willing to work for peanuts. I can stretch to a daily rate of two… The reason for this? […]

Today I took my little brother to the Santa Train run by the Waterford and Suir Valley Railway. An undercover mission, obviously. He distracted Santa and the elves while I loaded up my tank with all the other presents. Unfortunately, my tank couldn’t take the weight so I had to borrow some reindeer to pull […]

I’m off on a recruiting mission today. My little brother is having his Halloween Parade at crèche so I’ve decided to go along and give the kids something to really think about by handing out copies of my manifesto. I have a chauffeur (in a tank of course) ordered for 11am, I should have them […]

My little brother had his birthday today. It was fairly boring apart from two things. One was cake. Obviously. The other was Snow coming to visit me. It was her birthday on Valentines Day so I got her a present of some chocolates cos I heard my Dad say that girls like chocolate. I’d like […]

Loyal Followers, I apologise for my absence over the past few months. Let it be known that I have sacked my editor (who was useless anyway) and I have hired Elmo to be my new personal assistant. He will now be doing the boring typing bits for me while I lie back, eat peeled grapes […]

My henchman Garrie got a wig to try his keep his skeletal head warm. Once I stopped laughing I started to see the possibilities…disguise! All I need now is sunglasses and I should be able to go out for dinner without being constantly bothered by people looking for my autograph. On receipts, police statements, incident […]

I am finally getting the recognition that I deserve! I was passing through Penneys a few weeks ago (Mum was looking for boring clothes for herself and my boring little brother) and I spotted something wonderful. Socks with my name and face on them! Now I’m not quite sure why the powers that be chose […]

Today I was bored, so I decided to root through all the presses in the house to find something entertaining. After emptying all the wardrobes onto the floor, I moved on to the kitchen where I had great fun throwing glass jars about. Until I found a big box at the back of the highest […]

I’ve had a very busy few weeks. It was my birthday last week (I’m 4 now, very mature) but my birthday present arrived early. I got a new little brother! I’m going to love him and train him and use him as a distraction and/or weapon! Here are some of the things I’ll be using […]